Yes, but what KIND are you?

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

I'm the Mommy, THAT'S WHY!

I drank so much coffee I actually turned into it. In ice cream form.

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

Ah, where shall I begin? Well, let’s start with Wednesday morning, at the faculty meeting – the one I completely forgot about and have yet to give my principal a courtesy apology for missing…she may not deserve one…we’ll see.

Background: The related arts staff (nice way of saying ‘specials’, or “art, gym, music, computer, and library teachers” are kind of a clique at my school. Definitely all but the last mentioned subject area teachers, anyway. B, our librarian, keeps more to herself and her library staff, but she definitely cleaves to us more than the rest of the staff. I made it a personal policy to be friendly with everyone, if not friends with them. Something my well-meaning zealout of an Elementary General Music professor instilled in me. You Don’t Talk Trash: about student, teacher, or administrator, period. And you don’t make waves. (I make small waves now. I’m young yet.) So I have maintained a cordial relationship with all the staff, and am near friend-status with a few – mostly the other mommies-of-young-children, and some of the older ladies think of me as their pet, I can tell. My favorite 5^th grade teacher calls me Megsy. And of course I have my small group of fellow RA teachers, who I can call all-out friends (because we actually do stuff outside of school on the rare occasions when our spouses, children, and sleep schedules allow. I really need to have them over soon. Is it lame to throw a Halloween party for 5 kids and their parents? Nevermind.)

I understand that I have, on paper anyway, a lighter schedule than the classroom teachers. Now, they may have kids in the room more time, but they may also be sitting at their desk grading homework while the kids have silent reading. I am on stage from the minute the kids hit the door till the minute they leave. I have no downtime during my classes, period. But I understand the schedule discrepancy, and I keep it in mind. I also present myself as Ms. Flexibility (You brought your class to music 25 minutes early by mistake? No biggie. You need the lyrics of “The Candyman Can” re-written to honor the retiring custodian…tomorrow? Consider it done. Going on a field trip during your regular music time and don’t want to miss out on your prep that day? I’ll reschedule you.) This is what the school music teacher does, and I do it with a smile. Again, maybe I’m just young and stupid. BUT:

With all this goodwill bubbling forth from me at school, I get pretty pissy when I hear this news:

At the morning faculty meeting, in front of the majority of the teaching staff, the principal said that we need to do something to equalize teaching time amongst all the staff, so that “nobody is sitting around with large blocks of time with nothing to do.”

(Furious expletive/mild stroke inserted here.)

Clearly aimed at the RA teachers, this supposed statement had us up in arms, in a big way. EXCUSE ME? Where are these large blocks of time that I supposedly spend just lying around? I’d like someone to point them out to me, cause sure has heck haven’t found one yet, and this is my 5^th year with this schedule.

Now, I wasn’t at the meeting, I only heard through the grapevine. So far I haven’t had a problem with our new principal – I’ve actually been impressed with her on several occasions. I really don’t’ want to think that she’d come right out and make this credibility-squashing statement right in front of the staff – some of whom have been hungry for this news for years. (Whispering behind our backs only, of course. In fact, none of the RA staff happened to be at the morning meeting. If one of us had, I doubt the subject would have been brought up.) The next major issue occurred when one of the 1^st grade teachers, let’s call her D the Whining Bitch, stood up and said she was very glad that someone was finally taking care of this situation because it has bothered her for years.

(Insert 2^nd furious expletive here)

I’m sorry, WHAT has bothered her for years? The fact that I have more preps than she does? Because last time I checked, the teacher contract doesn’t guarantee you the same # of minutes prep time as every other teacher in the district. I believe it guarantees you 46 minutes (they get 50 minutes in Elem. 4 for free, if we’re going to be picky.) But more importantly, HOW DARE D. THE BITCH BE BOTHERED BY IT AT ALL??? She is NOT an administrator, she is not a supervisor or a principal, and therefore she doesn’t GET to be bothered by it. But she’s God’s Gift to us all (super conservative Religious Nut as well, by the way) and so it’s her job to pass judgment on things that are not in her usual jurisdiction. What she WANTS is probably to have one of us give her an extra prep, or something. Come watch her kids so she gets more time, or extend all specials classes to an hour (isn’t she supposed to be teaching at some point?)

Here’s the problem: What she’s going to GET is: us, fired. Or cut back to 4/5 salary, with no benefits. The budget for the district hasn’t passed in a few years. Things are tight, as they are all across the state. They’re not going to keep assigning us more and more duties that don’t really need done. (And if we’re giving her extra preps so that we don’t have them, isn’t she going to have more preps than other Elem. teachers at other schools?) That’s not how they do things here. They’re going to cut us back to 4/5, like the positions originally were, and take away our health insurance. Bob and I can’t live on less than we’re living on now, end of story. I don’t know if D the Bitch knows this is more than a battle for more preps, but truthfully, she is lighting the match that will set the fire that could destroy my family’s security. And I don’t like Bitches playing with fire near my family.

My good friend the art teacher apparently put her in her place yesterday afternoon when she came to drop her kids off for Art class. Basically informed her that other people had come to us letting us know what horrible things were said behind our backs (Jr. High, anyone?) and that we know that it was her. I’m told she sputtered lots of apologies and claimed it wasn’t personal…but if you’re messing with my job, it IS personal! Then D. the Bitch she marched her butt into the principal’s office and Lord knows what was said…

I don’t want to completely flip-flop on my position on this principal, and I don't know if she really did say, in front of the staff, that we RA teachers are sitting around with nothing to do for a large part of the day. But boy howdy, if she said that and doesn’t in some way rephrase the statement and include an apology, she will find a different working environment. We all have tenure now, and I have a feeling the elementary staff will be finding out exactly what it’s like when we REALLY are sitting around with “large blocks of time with nothing to do”, if the matter keeps getting pushed. You can kiss your rescheduling things to suit your little lives GOODBYE.

I'm angry now, and talking big, but ultimately, I just want to do my job. I know I have a good job, an ‘easy’ job, if you want to look at it in a rather shallow way. But I didn’t design it myself or make my own schedule. I just wanted to be a music teacher. It was the first and only interview I snagged fresh out of college, and I miraculously got hired by a rather wealthy school district and put in a nice position. I’m not rolling in dough, and neither is my husband, but I’m happy here and I’m always willing to do stuff for other teachers, to keep other people happy here too. I just want to do my job and keep my job, as it is.

I can’t wait to find out what went down yesterday. And more and more I feel I really need to talk to the principal, and find out what was said and where we stand. Isn't that the adult thing to do? Is it better to completely ignore a nasty statement you heard was made, because you didn't hear it from the source, OR should you go to the source and ask them "honestly, what did you say, cause I gotta know if I hate you now or not." But this needs straightened out. Because it’s only September, and I can’t do this he-said/she-said crap, or worry about the future of my position, for another 9 months.

I like to bite the bullets.

I think they have a certain flare. Plus this way I don't have to come up with whole paragraphs. I seriously must look into my own ADD issues...

• Musicovery.com is so nice.
  
• So is Kneebouncers.com
• Struggling with the working mom balance thing less, struggling with other people wanting Maddie time during Mommy Time more. Hands off, she's mine. Bob's exempt, of course.
  
• On that subject, my mom visited this weekend.
  
• My shampoo or something is giving me a itchy rash on my face and neck. So fun. So itchy. Do I have the energy or presence of mind to systematically figure out which early-morning shower product is doing it? Not at 6 AM. Please.
• Bob closed the pool today. Fall starts tomorrow. Not sure if that's a :-( or a :-)
  
• It's a :-( for Bob because the cover was a bitch. Stupid cover.
  
• Bobby also ordered a 1 gig memory upgrade for my lappy, because it's gotten worse and worse lately. I grow old every morning waiting for it to get through its digital calisthenics and actually start up. Can't wait for the new speed to arrive.
  
• The dog and I are doing a love-hate thing lately. We have blond tumbleweeds everywhere, he cuts it waaaay too close for comfort when he bounds around the house...right over Maddie's head.
• On the other hand, she will now crawl through his legs like she's going under and overpass. She does this just to get those gray hairs started on my scalp.
  
• She now eats pieces of: string cheese, whole wheat bread, noodles of all kinds, meatballs, peas, carrots, banana, cake, and of course vanilla ice cream is a big hit. Yes, that's what I said. All of you who save cake for the first birthday are missing the delighted smile of a toothless wonder chomping on a fresh piece of yellow butter cake. It's a sight. You are then the hero, eternal, in their eyes.
• Does anybody know where they sell foam rubber suits in 12 months size? She started to cruise (walk, holding on to furniture) this week, and she has yet to figure out that she needs to continue holding on in order to stay upright...and not bang her head. How about baby-sized helmets? She fell backwards and took a pointed, star-shaped block straight to the back of the neck today. I immediately started getting visions of this spinal cord injury hospital I visited as a kid. I'm not going to survive her toddler hood, am I?
  
• I think I may like Men At Work (the band from the 80's). Don't tell anyone.
  
• I am still mostly impressed with the new principal at our school. She hasn't taken much crap from parents, she's showed a backbone, and yet you don't feel like you're talking to your boss when you're chatting with her. And she drops curses left and right in her office. I like that in an elementary school principal. You have to be able to swear somewhere in that building, damn it.
  
• Done my 'homework'. Wrote out my curriculum maps for the whole year, and with the exception of planning multicultural dance unit with the gym teacher, I'm done, and pretty happy with it. 5th may need tweaked, I was rushing by then. Now I just have to go through and list all the songs we MUST do in addition to the lessons I've lined up, and we'll be in lesson-planning heaven.
  
• Now it's bedtime. I can't make it past 10 without at least wanting to pass out.
  

Career Choices

Apparently I should have gone into secondary education. Except that I hate kids older than eleven. The grade at the right is how my "skills" reflect my ability to perform that particular job. I'm obviously pretty average. Except at theater and the arts. Broadway here I come, baby.

1.	High School Teacher
2.	Director of Photography
3.	Professor
4.	Set Designer
5.	Costume Designer
6.	Music Teacher / Instructor
7.	ESL Teacher
8.	Foreign Language Instructor
9.	Special Effects Technician
10.	Desktop Publisher
11.	Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator
12.	Computer Trainer
13.	Animator
14.	Actor
15.	Fashion Designer
16.	Child and Youth Worker
17.	Director
18.	Elementary School Teacher
19.	Teacher Assistant
20.	Special Education Teacher
21.	Early Childhood Educator
22.	Occupational Therapist
23.	Speech-Language Pathologist
24.	Corporate Trainer
25.	Artist
26.	Comedian
27.	Graphic Designer
28.	Casting Director
29.	Critic
30.	Musician
31.	Computer Animator
32.	Website Designer
33.	Print Journalist
34.	Medical Illustrator
35.	Market Research Analyst
36.	Translator
37.	Composer
38.	Writer
39.	School Counselor
40.	Potter

1. Go to: http://careercruising.com
2. Type in "nycareers" as username.
3. Type in "landmark" as password.
4. Click on "Career Matchmaker" (next to arrow sign).
5. Have fun finding out you should have been a plumber!

*Thanks to Nicole for the reference!*

My Pipsqueak at the Portrait Studio

Because tonight I. Will. Be. Writing. My. Chorus. Permission. Slip. and other important school things I refuse to touch on weeknights, I decided to quickly blog now.

Just came back from taking the fam for a portrait session at JCP. Crowded as hell at the mall, and of course we forgot that since Bob's mom is watching Maddie during the day now, we don't keep the stroller in the back of the van anymore. SO we got there, discovered that it was time to forget about finding a close parking spot and focus on finding a parking spot, period, and realized that we were about to haul the 20 pound sack of wiggling all over the place. She's really not that heavy - kind of small, we found out later! - but damn can she move. And today she wanted to move on her own, thankyouvermuchmommyandaddy!

So we're all decked out in our finery - The girl in the white ducky dress w/ yellow and blue trim, Bob in a yellow dress shirt w/ blue tie, and me in a blue blouse & cami. (A blue blouse and cami which will be forever reserved as a work shirt, because Maddie seems to take great pleasure in pulling this particular one down to my belly button!) There are other babies there -Chloe/Zoe, the uncooperative baby, and boy twins in Phillies uniforms. All are significantly bigger than our ducky dressed-wonder.

The session goes fine - picked one where we're looking down at our cutie who's smiling, one w/ her & me, one w/ her & Bobby, and one of her by herself, to order prints of. Chloe/Zoe (we couldn't hear her name, but boy were they repeating it over in the other studio room!) was being held by her proud grandmother while 50 relatives crowded around a computer screen, and grandma talked to me. Chloe/Zoe was asleep on her shoulder, I guess tired out from all that non-cooperating for the photographer, and Grandma was carrying her around, so I didn't get the best look at her. Her Grandmother thought Maddie was about 6 months, and oh isn't she cute, is this her first portrait?

"Um, she's been twice before, and she'll be 10 months on Thursday. " Chloe/Zoe is 6 months, and is pretty much a sweet little whale of a baby, at 24 pounds. 24 pounds! Proud Grandma seemed thrilled that she'd "beat" us, weight-wise. Way back when, I think baby weight was pretty much just for bragging rights. C/Z was 10 pounds heavier - a whole baby heavier - than Maddie was at 6 months. But 6 months was her starvation period. I reminded myself that for 2 months my kid didn't grow an inch or an ounce, and that she's better and healthy now, but DAMN, what are you people feeding that girl, fried chicken? Of course I explained that Maddie's about 50 percentile for her age, but she had some growth problems due to reflux around 5 months old. Oh the pity we get. It was odd, seeing Chloe/Zoe just lay there, floppy and unresponsive as an average 6 month old, compared to my pipsqueak on the move.

The the Phillies brothers' mommy started talking to us. These guys I could have sworn were there for the 1 year birthday pictures (which you usually get done around 11 months because it takes a while to get the prints back). They're more alive and with-it (Maddie could still crawl circles around them, but I'm used to my kid being the active one), and they're tall and thick-looking to me. 11 months, I guess to Phillies mommy? Nope. 8, barely. Nobody could believe mine was the oldest baby in the room by a few months.
"She's so small! She's so petite! Is everybody in your family on the small size?" (Asks me this while standing next to wide and pear-shaped me and my 6-foot tall husband...sweet of her, huh?)

I'm not used to having the smallest ANYTHING in the room, having been a chubbster since about age 3. How did I get a small baby? Where's the genetic code at work? Could she possibly have inherited her Aunt Laura's Miss America genes instead of my Pillsbury Doughboy ones? Did that 2 month period of non-growth hurt her more than I think? Is it possible that it hurt more than her physical growth? Is she destined to always be the tiny one - is it BAD to be the tiny one? I always envied the sweet, petite girls in my class. They were so amazing to me. They were some kind of beautiful new doll that I couldn't have. Nobody envies the fat chick, even when she's 6. And being the tallest person, let alone the tallest girl, in your class SUCKS, let me tell you. Is it possible that Maddie will escape standing on the top row, middle of every class picture?

I've come to terms with my shape - doesn't mean I like to look at it, mind you, but I'm fine with it being just another part of the wonder that is ME. I can do the things I want to do (rock climbing doesn't appeal much to me anyway), and my husband loves my body. I'm good. I hope I can teach my daughter to get to this point of self-acceptance and contentment earlier than I do. She will also have the benefit of a parent who actually likes and will continually serve vegetables - something neither of her parents had. But did those horrible months of reflux actually change my kid's size that much? Would she be a hefty 24+ pounds right now if she hadn't developed the eating aversion?

Eh, 20 pounds is a nice light package to carry around the mall when you forget the stroller. I actually kind of feel for Chloe/Zoe's grandmother.

The Latest List

Here's the run-down:

• School:
  
• Going well, still. My schedule is pretty nice. 4 classes a day (50 minutes), plus prep and something my principal invented that goes a long way towards acknowleding that we related arts teachers work through lunch for rehearsals, etc. Oh, and she also added "school projects" to our schedules, one period a week, to make up for all the extra crap we're asked to do for the school, like run assemblies, field day stations, murals, etc.
  
• The kids are decent still...of course there are still 2 classes I haven't even seen yet, and one looks like a DOOZY on paper. One little demonic-looking redheaded boy who is usually climbing out of his skin by 2:00 comes to mind. So fun .
  
• I talked to the new boss lady today about a few things. I got permission to take the Chorus to sing at an old folk's home once a year, getting buses and everything (I was denied this every year before!) and I brought a few annoying aspects of homeroom coverage duty to her attention. That's where I really got results. She not only agreed to make sure the homeroom teachers know that they need to make sure they're back in time to take their kids back, but she is now going to make them fill out a form stating what they got done during the time that the related arts teacher was covering their class. I told her that they wouldn't like that much at all, and she said that as a gesture of goodwill, she'd do one morning of duty a week herself. Took one of mine, as a matter of fact, although I'd been assigned 3 instead of 2, like most people have. She even asked me to tell her in confidenciality who was "the biggest pain in the ass to cover for" during homeroom. I happily ratted out a teacher whose room I dreaded even walking in, and she took that duty herself. Let the teacher in question try to come back 10 minutes late now. I used to be late EVERY Tuesday, because little miss priss would sit and chat till 8:55! (Supposed to be back at 8:45 at the lastest!) So new boss lady has impressed me thus far.
  
• "The Party":
• Went very well. We had a 30th anniversary party for my in-laws at our house. Surprise, too! Despite the ridiculous heat in our house - did everybody have to hang out in the kitchen? - the whole thing went very nicely. They were actually surprised, too! I still can't believe that we got 'em. Wha-ha-ha, I can lie with the best of 'em. There was a bit of annoyingness the day before, when a certain relative who shall remain nameless "just wanted to warn me" that everybody would want to watch "the game" so we couldn't do any anniversary party stuff until it was over. See, we didn't consult the Eagles football schedule when planning this 30th anniversary party, because we assumed, like ADULTS, that a 30th anniversary party would of course be far more important than a football game. I was being informed that I was mistaken. My reaction was a calm, easy-going, BULLSH*T, I AM NOT HOSTING A F*CKING TAILGATE PARTY, and I offered to let the game be on downstairs on the nicer TV, and if people wanted to watch that instead of take part in the party, they could certainly be bums and do so. That still wasn't enough for said informer, who claimed that Bob's Dad would be upset if he couldn't watch the game. I was pretty upset about this myself, because we'd gone to a lot of effort for this party, and didn't want to hear "why didn't you check the NFL schedule?" all day long. I figured that Bob's Dad would be inwardly annoyed that we had this party during the precious, precious football game. I should have known better. Bob's dad is an adult. He glanced at the game from time to time, with other people, but he spent the majority of the party actually circulating, eating, drinking, and being merry. And the annoying party was clearly the only one consumed with the game, and spent the early party hours whining about missing the game, and the remainder it couched in front of the TV. We did end up waiting till the game was over to do any party game/toast/cake stuff, but that was more for convenience. Again, consider your source before you panic about your party's re-assigned theme, that's all I'm saying.
  
• Oh my LORD anybody want a tray of baked rotini? We're going to be eating party food for anther week. I just had the leftover grape tomatoes as a bedtime snack. And please don't ask me where the French onion dip went, I take no responsibility.
  
• The Girl:
• She's great. Plays Peek-A-Boo with you sort of, definitely with herself in the mirror. She keeps saying "Mama", "Dada" and "Hi" at way-too-coincidental times, making us wonder exactly what she knows, you know? Wondering how to transfer to table food, having what we have to dinner. Before we do that, we need to start eating veggies, I think. Right Bob?
  
• She is doing very well with Bob's mom as her sitter during the day. I don't particularly care about allergic food, trying chunky foods, dressing warmly, or being handed off to strangers at the supermarket. I basically have one rule for this arrangement: She still has to love us better. Bob agrees with me on this. So with the exception of when we eat dinner, we shake off the tiredness and it is VERY much Maddie Time. One of us is playing with her, feeding her, bathing her, or putting her to bed at all times during the evening. And thank God (and Jewish people) for Thursday's holiday. We need a day to unwind, get the house back, and pack in the Maddie time.
  
• Misc.:
• What the Hell? Somebody tell Fred Flintstone I have his feet and I want mine back. I wore closed-toe dress shoes for the first time today and about died. I'm just going to have to more to Florida so I can wear flip-flops all year round.
  

Back 2 School

Went well! The new boss hasn't pissed me off yet, and actually acknowledged that, while it doesn't show up on a paper schedule, the Related Arts staff does a ton of 'extras' for the school. Field Day, Art Show, concerts, fixing everybody's computer...not to mention the gaggle of assemblies my cronies and I run every year. So she added "Enrichment" to our schedule, so we'd look better on paper. Yay for her.
Bob's tenured now, and his bosses are better than in previous years. A ape with a bathroom problem would be better than his previous years' bosses, to tell the truth.
Maddie's doing well with Nana during the day, and it hasn't killed me yet either. I know I'm going to miss some major milestone, but I already made it clear that under no circumstances do I want to hear about it, period. Her first step will be when her father and first see her take a step. Don't judge me, I'm a desperate mommy.
Poor kid bumped her face today twice, and screamed about it.
But yeah, school's good. Although I've only had 4 classes so far, so we'll see. Basically we get up at 6:00, get ourselves ready, then one of us gets Maddie up at 6:30, medicined, and dressed, while the other makes breakfast. We eat, play w/ her, watch the news, etc. till Bob's mom shows up and we head off to school. I race the hell out of there at 3:15 (3:13, lately) and get home before 4:00. Bob's mom hangs out and reports on the day, then goes, and we play with/medicine Maddie up. Then one of us feeds her while the other makes dinner, then more play, then whoever's on baby duty bathes and jammies her, then maybe a story or more crawling around, then bottle and bed by 8:00, sharp. It's actually been earlier lately. I worry that she only gets 10 1/2 hours of sleep at night, but she usually sleeps for another 2-3 during the day, so that's within the 'textbook' limits for her age's sleep needs. SHE tells us when she needs to go to bed though. Holy cow, does the banshee come out to shine!
So things are going pretty good.
OH! And the only bad news I have to report is that they've managed to block blogger.com at school, and I can't get around it! Damn it, when am I going to blog? So not cool...Bob says he thinks you can email in new posts. Here's hoping. After all, I need something to do during my preps! I'm finally to the point where I know what I'm doing and don't need to prep so much. It's beautiful. So I do the 'down time' stuff on the internet. Message boards, games, reading blogs, news, and so on. So I don't have to waste home time on them. Cause AFTER Maddie goes to bed, we hit "the checklist" hard. We set everything up for the next morning, so mornings go really smoothly. Set up the coffee maker, make lunches, even lay out the vitamins. Then with whatever energy we have left we clean parts of the house that need cleaning. Then computer time (cards time, if we ever get motivated), or TV time, then we go up to bed at 10:00, asleep by 10:30 or 11:00.
So far, it'll do.
Now if I could just figure out how to unblock blogger.com...

Crab Day (Labor Day party) Self-Affirmations:

• Last night was the wedding we'd been kind of dreading all summer. Everyone in the fam was invited, robbing us of all usual babysitters. I had wanted to decline, but we were told we 'had to go' because it going to be awesome...and because Bob's parents wouldn't know anybody else, I later deduced. I wasn't wild about leaving Maddie with Bob's aunt, even though I knew she'd do a fine job...Maddie's not keen on strangers. And why should she be? She's 9 months old, that's 'stranger danger' time, naturally. Didn't like leaving her for such a long stretch with people she's never met. "She'll be fine, she'll be fine" I heard on a annoying broken record all day. Well, she wasn't particularly fine. After we left she cried her self sick, and after puking, was moody at best. She didn't really eat, and didn't really sleep. This is normal, this is a usual reaction from a baby who's got stranger anxiety, as babies her age get. Yes, she survived it, but that was not the "fine" that I had been promised. Although it was good for her to be with other people, and although the wedding was wonderful, it was not worth knowing that my baby cried herself sick. So "nyah, nyah, nyah, I was right." And my first self-affirmation is this: I congratulate myself for resolving that I am never letting other people make decisions about whether my kid will be "fine".
  
• Today at the party, Maddie was fun and cute and moody has Hell, and I was so proud of her.
• There were 7 children there ranging in age from 6 years to 5 weeks old, and it was cool to see Maddie playing with her cousins. 2nd cousins, mostly.
  
• 5 year-old cousin decided Maddie was her new doll, and attempted to drag her around like Raggedy Anne, and I firmly but kindly told her to BACK THE HELL OFF, marking the first official use of my Teacher Voice this season.
  
• I love 5 year-old cousin's big brother, 6 year-old cousin, who is loud and lumbering and great fun to watch while he open gifts...now that they dialed back his ADHD medication and let him be a little boy again (and not a hollow shell of what was once crazy-ass 6 year-old cousin).
  
• Maddie's former babysitter (Bob's cousin), the mommy of a lovely newborn herself, breastfed her baby right there (covered up, but I was proud of her for not leaving the room)...and it didn't send me into a guilt/shame spiral. Go me.
• Bob's grandfather made Mexican, Black, and some other racist jokes, and I held my tongue, reminding myself that he was raised in a different time with different morals...and he's pretty much bigoted jackass anyway.
• Bob's uncle commented that of course Bob cracked one of our wedding flutes while dusting today was because he was doing "the woman's job". I again reminded myself that he was raised differently, and that he is, of course, also a jackass.
  
• Afore-mentioned uncle also took several cracks at teachers in general, and I managed to censor myself when I smart-assed him right back. But in case you wonder about teachers, according to this lovely relative: We're lazy, we don't care, we zoom out the door at 3:30, and we steal supplies from school so that students have to bring in their own paper...this is from the man who spent the majority of his 'career' working as a Tobacco company's bitch. Yep, you go spread the cancer sticks around, I'll go "steal paper from the supply room". Please refer to my previous bullet for my opinion of said relative, which I withheld at the time. Again, go me.
  
• I got 6 year-old cousin art supplies and a school tote bag for his birthday, and he actually seemed to like them. He excitedly yelled, "Scissors!" when he opened one of our packages. I kid you not. (The scissors in question were bright blue with green flames, though, because every 1st graders should have a pair of scissors to be proud of.)
  
• Ate too much (not saying how many pieces of peanut butter candy cake) but drank not all, having woke up from last night's wedding reception with a splitting hangover headache. Apparently I can't drink anymore without consequences. So I resisted the beloved fruity girl drinks and had diet ginger ale, water, and another peanut butter candy cake.
  
• The 5 great-grandchildren sat for a picture with their great-grandparents, and Maddie did beautifully. Even when cousin Alex tried to pull out her ponytail. Still, what a neat picture that's going to be to have someday.
  
• I thought seeing the newborn cousin would give me the baby itch (awww look at the tiny baby! I miss having a tiny baby!) but I had no desire whatsoever to hold her, and even less to carry and give birth to one like her. My honest impression was, "She's beautiful, but...wow, I forgot how old-manish and boring newborns are!"
• There's only 1 day left in summer. I go back to working full-time on Tuesday. I'm going to miss Maddie horrendously. I hate the thought that I won't be with her for the majority of her weekdays. Even though I know she'll be fine with Bob's mom, I'll miss her every minute. But I miss my professional self a lot too. I forgot that I have another persona outside this house, and that that's a very good thing. And I'm ready to be somebody other than "mommy" for a change. At least from 8:15 to 3:15. Then I'm out the door, home to my kiddo..Oops, maybe jerk uncle was right...
  

Ban the Breastfeeding Ads?

I first refer you to the article:
...discusses ads created by the Health and Human Services Department, depicting bottle-feeding as a sure route to diabetes and asthma, graphically.

Then to the fellow mommy:
...A nice summary. I tend to agree with Ms. Elliot's bloggings, but here I particularly feel that she hit the nail on the head.

So basically the Health and Human Services Department designed these ads, which can only be described as delivering a graphic and startling message: breastfeed, or your kid is going to get sick (you bad, bad mommy!) The ads show bottle nipples attached to an insulin syringe and an asthma inhaler. "You might as well hook up your baby's bottle nipple to THIS next, because that's what you're going to need (you bad, bad mommy!)" And hey, breastfeeding is important, right? And scare tactics work, right?
Formula companies lobbied to have these ads replaced with less harsh versions.

So, we've got the right outcome, for the wrong reasons, and business as usual, from D. C.

Like the anti-drug ads of the 90's on Saturday morning TV, I highly doubt the target audience in this case is going to be swayed. I personally know very few women who were on the fence (none). If a woman really isn't going to breastfeed, most of the time, she isn't going to breastfeed. Deal with it. And when it's failing, it's failing. Say what you want about women who choose not to breastfeed. Their baby, their breasts, their lives. I care not, and, like my take on other things people like to debate in political arenas (gasp!), I am decidedly pro-choice, i. e., who am I to tell other people what to do with their lives.

On top of their impotency, Ads like that, though made with the best of intentions, make women who couldn't breastfeed feel like CRAP on toast. Until recently, every time I'd gotten over the guilt, (and begun to enjoy the fact that my kid is strong and healthier by far than most) I'd get a nice little reminder from crap-sources like these ads. Or a friend who says, "of COURSE! I'm going to breastfeed!", as if the alternative was surely death. That kind of thing hits me square in the face, and starts a little more emotional self-flagellation, as penance for 'giving up'. I deserve it, I'm sure.

But here's where these ads do their real damage, in my opinion: OTHER MOMS. We see the 3 year-old with the paci in the supermarket, the boy with no sweater in October, or the newborn being bottle-fed - and we ATTACK. Maybe not out loud, maybe a whisper to a friend or husband. But we do it. Yes, you do, or you will, too, at times. Moms judge other moms. Perhaps pointing out another Mom's supposed failings makes us feel like a better mom ourselves (as calling someone else 'fat' helps make you skinnier, in girl world, thank you Tina Fey!) But ads that condemn the way that the majority of the country feed their babies is throwing fuel on the catty little fire. We add to the arsenal of judgment, we add to the guilt, we add to the worry and anxiety that a lot of moms wade through daily. Though only a low-level hum, it's there sometimes, for pretty much everybody. And it's all that kind of negativity - for lack of a better word - that keeps us from sitting back and enjoying our babies, while they're still babies, to the fullest.

PS - Basically, you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, throughout motherhood.

• You're damned if you do buy that nice bouncy seat ("Can you believe how she spoils that baby and wastes her money?") and damned if you don't buy it ("It's only $40, how can she put a price on her baby's comfort?").
  
• You're damned if you do stay home ("She went to college for 4 years so she could quit her job and hang around the house all day?") and damned if you do go back to work ("Apparently her career is more important to her than that beautiful baby!").
  
• And worst of all, you're damned if you don't breastfeed, ("I can't believe she would give up on breastfeeding. It's so easy it's so much better for the baby! How lazy!") and - while you have a lot more social approval - you're paradoxically damned if you do breastfeed ("Does she have to feed that baby here? It's indecent! Shouldn't she go into the restroom or do it in the car or something?")

PS - no matter how I end up feeding my second child, I swear to God I will do it right at the table in a restaurant as much as possible, in full view of all the damners, whatever side they take aim from. Either way.

Also: "Mean Girls" rocked.