Crab Day (Labor Day party) Self-Affirmations:

• Last night was the wedding we'd been kind of dreading all summer. Everyone in the fam was invited, robbing us of all usual babysitters. I had wanted to decline, but we were told we 'had to go' because it going to be awesome...and because Bob's parents wouldn't know anybody else, I later deduced. I wasn't wild about leaving Maddie with Bob's aunt, even though I knew she'd do a fine job...Maddie's not keen on strangers. And why should she be? She's 9 months old, that's 'stranger danger' time, naturally. Didn't like leaving her for such a long stretch with people she's never met. "She'll be fine, she'll be fine" I heard on a annoying broken record all day. Well, she wasn't particularly fine. After we left she cried her self sick, and after puking, was moody at best. She didn't really eat, and didn't really sleep. This is normal, this is a usual reaction from a baby who's got stranger anxiety, as babies her age get. Yes, she survived it, but that was not the "fine" that I had been promised. Although it was good for her to be with other people, and although the wedding was wonderful, it was not worth knowing that my baby cried herself sick. So "nyah, nyah, nyah, I was right." And my first self-affirmation is this: I congratulate myself for resolving that I am never letting other people make decisions about whether my kid will be "fine".
  
• Today at the party, Maddie was fun and cute and moody has Hell, and I was so proud of her.
• There were 7 children there ranging in age from 6 years to 5 weeks old, and it was cool to see Maddie playing with her cousins. 2nd cousins, mostly.
  
• 5 year-old cousin decided Maddie was her new doll, and attempted to drag her around like Raggedy Anne, and I firmly but kindly told her to BACK THE HELL OFF, marking the first official use of my Teacher Voice this season.
  
• I love 5 year-old cousin's big brother, 6 year-old cousin, who is loud and lumbering and great fun to watch while he open gifts...now that they dialed back his ADHD medication and let him be a little boy again (and not a hollow shell of what was once crazy-ass 6 year-old cousin).
  
• Maddie's former babysitter (Bob's cousin), the mommy of a lovely newborn herself, breastfed her baby right there (covered up, but I was proud of her for not leaving the room)...and it didn't send me into a guilt/shame spiral. Go me.
• Bob's grandfather made Mexican, Black, and some other racist jokes, and I held my tongue, reminding myself that he was raised in a different time with different morals...and he's pretty much bigoted jackass anyway.
• Bob's uncle commented that of course Bob cracked one of our wedding flutes while dusting today was because he was doing "the woman's job". I again reminded myself that he was raised differently, and that he is, of course, also a jackass.
  
• Afore-mentioned uncle also took several cracks at teachers in general, and I managed to censor myself when I smart-assed him right back. But in case you wonder about teachers, according to this lovely relative: We're lazy, we don't care, we zoom out the door at 3:30, and we steal supplies from school so that students have to bring in their own paper...this is from the man who spent the majority of his 'career' working as a Tobacco company's bitch. Yep, you go spread the cancer sticks around, I'll go "steal paper from the supply room". Please refer to my previous bullet for my opinion of said relative, which I withheld at the time. Again, go me.
  
• I got 6 year-old cousin art supplies and a school tote bag for his birthday, and he actually seemed to like them. He excitedly yelled, "Scissors!" when he opened one of our packages. I kid you not. (The scissors in question were bright blue with green flames, though, because every 1st graders should have a pair of scissors to be proud of.)
  
• Ate too much (not saying how many pieces of peanut butter candy cake) but drank not all, having woke up from last night's wedding reception with a splitting hangover headache. Apparently I can't drink anymore without consequences. So I resisted the beloved fruity girl drinks and had diet ginger ale, water, and another peanut butter candy cake.
  
• The 5 great-grandchildren sat for a picture with their great-grandparents, and Maddie did beautifully. Even when cousin Alex tried to pull out her ponytail. Still, what a neat picture that's going to be to have someday.
  
• I thought seeing the newborn cousin would give me the baby itch (awww look at the tiny baby! I miss having a tiny baby!) but I had no desire whatsoever to hold her, and even less to carry and give birth to one like her. My honest impression was, "She's beautiful, but...wow, I forgot how old-manish and boring newborns are!"
• There's only 1 day left in summer. I go back to working full-time on Tuesday. I'm going to miss Maddie horrendously. I hate the thought that I won't be with her for the majority of her weekdays. Even though I know she'll be fine with Bob's mom, I'll miss her every minute. But I miss my professional self a lot too. I forgot that I have another persona outside this house, and that that's a very good thing. And I'm ready to be somebody other than "mommy" for a change. At least from 8:15 to 3:15. Then I'm out the door, home to my kiddo..Oops, maybe jerk uncle was right...