generated by sloganizer.net

Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker

DaisypathAnniversary Years Ticker

Saturday, March 31, 2007

March 31st - The Back-To-School Run-Down

Well, I rejoined the working world and it was 40 minutes of absolutely horrible followed by 3 days of "oh, yeah, I love this stuff!"

*disclaimer: I refer you to earlier posts stating that I have no shame and am much less self-conscious since delivering Maddie 4 months ago. So when I admit that I sobbed ridiculously while driving in rush-hour traffic with no seatbelt on after dropping Maddie off, I'm not really so much admitting it as simply stating it that I DID, (and you will too!) and I really don't give a rat's patooty what anybody's take is on my sad-sack reaction to dropping my baby off that first morning.

WEDNESDAY went like this:
5:00 - Maddie's up. Paci pop, sort of back to sleep.
5:30 - I'm still awake. Damn it.
5:42 - Bob's snooze alarm goes off. Well, I give up. Lay there, try not to think about what today entails.
6:00 - get up and feed Maddie. Goes too quickly.
6:25 - Bob takes Maddie, I grab shower & get dressed in 'professional' clothes for the first time in a long time.
6:45 - eat breakfast w/ Bob and Maddie on the couch w/ CBS news.
7:05 - get ready to go.
7:20 - get out the door & hug Bob goodbye. Cry a little.
7:30 - get to Shannon's house. Realize this is it. Cry a little, get it together, gather Maddie & Maddie-related items. Get out of car and walk across street to Shannon's house.
7:31 - run into Aiden's mom (other baby Shannon watches, 13 months old). She says it was really hard for her to go back to work, and wishes me luck. Oh man, am I seriously going to lose it before I even bring her in?
7:35 - Chit-chat and getting the gear inside. After I hug and kiss Maddie goodbye, Shannon asks what time Maddie last had a bottle. I tell her 6. I'm holding it together pretty nicely. "So she'll probably want another bottle around 9, right?" ...BAM. Hit me. I'm not the one who is going to be giving Maddie that bottle. Ouch. I nod and Shannon, I guess, notices that I'm teary. "She'll be fine, really," she offers. Gone. I completely lose it, eyes stingy-blurry and can't talk. I turn and walk out the door, across the street, to the car, drive away w/o seatbelt (oops!) and REALLY lose it. Haven't cried like that in I can't remember when.
7:50 - get it together enough to notice that I really should fasten my seatbelt. Notice that I have voicemail on my cell. Bob has called to see how I am. I call him back and we talk until he gets to his school, and although I'm still pretty weepy, it makes me feel better.
8:04 - I get to school and find an old CD of a Robin Williams stand-up special and listen to a bit about the penis (yes, that's what I said) and it makes me shift gears away from baby things (easily!) and I make myself go into the school.
8:15 - stop in Steph (computer teacher)'s room to say hi. Warm welcome, she says she put a treat in my mailbox.
8:20 - stop in Stacey's room (art teacher). First thing she says is "Don't worry, it gets easier every day." and I instantly feel better. She says she cried the first week, and now she's cool. Stacey's twins are home with her mother in-law, and they're older than Maddie, but still...good to hear. I told her about my 40 minute break down, and I feel better just acknowledging out loud that I'm a big fat wuss-girl. As usual, she said she did it too. (Times two, I assume, since she has twins. Ouch.)
8:30 - finally make it down to the Elementary office, greet a dozen or so other people. Say the same things to each of them. Yes, she's great. Here's a picture. She sleeps through the night since 12 weeks but needs her paci back a few times, it's no biggie. She's with my husband's cousin who has 2 other children there. Yes, we're really happy to have her in a home with someone in our family. I hear raves about how wonderful it is that she's with family and not in a *horrified whisper* daycare center! I start to wonder what these know-it-all-but-mean-well friends would have thought if I'd told them that she was at the Malvern School in Erial, where she would have been if Shannon hadn't decided she'd like to take on Maddie.
8:45 - ran into a 5-th grader I've had since she was in 2nd grade. She just sees me, walks over and hugs me, and says "I am SO glad you're back." Couldn't have been more perfect if somebody paid her to walk up and tell me exactly what I needed to hear from a student.
And right there I'm 100% fine. Yay.

8:50 - meet up w/ sub, Sandy. Talk a bit.
8:52 - first class comes down, and the show begins. All I did all week was warm-ups and turn them over to Sandy so they could "show me what you've been doing".

It was fun. I came and went as I pleased, since Sandy was still teaching my classes. I was in and out all day, and it was nice. I talked to everybody, and got some cards and treats in my mailbox. Hershey kisses, a Target card, little notes. Nice. Caught up with everybody. Good stuff.

I think one of the best things about it is everybody else is all but burned out and I'm fresh from a break from teaching that was double the length of summer. I seriously can't wait to get back in and get started. I'm also left with 2 1/2 months of school, and way more than that in lesson plans. So I basically get to pick my favorite lessons and say "oh well" to the rest.

And it also helps that I have an awesome baby and a wonderful hubby to come to home to. Having given birth naturally and done all the incredible kiddo stuff really gives you a fresh and easy perspective. Want to be bitchy and catty and start stuff, stupid coworker who should have already retired? Eh, go nuts, see if I care. Want to be disrespectful and rude, ignorant kid? Fine, I'll go home to the one who (gloriously) lights up when I walk in the room. Don't care.

So yeah, we're all good, and that was a run-down of my back-to-school experience.
Still adjusting a little to not being around Maddie all day. Still anxious that she's getting what she needs in the way of stimulation, play, and love while I'm away. Still a worrier, I am.

But as a mom if you don't worry, your head implodes on itself. So we're all good.

Nerd? Me????

What Be Your Nerd Type?
Your Result: Musician

Doo doo de doo waaaa doo de doo! (<-- That's you playing something.) Everyone appreciates the band/orchestra geeks and the pretty voices. Whether you sing in the choir, participate in a school/local band, or sit at home writing music, you contribute a joy to society that everyone can agree on. Yay! Welcome to actually doing something for poor, pathetic human souls. (Just kidding.)

Drama Nerd

Social Nerd

Literature Nerd

Artistic Nerd

Gamer/Computer Nerd

Science/Math Nerd

Anime Nerd

What Be Your Nerd Type?
Quizzes for MySpace

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

March 27th - Figures & Self Control

I figured out something:

Drop-off at 7:15, pick up no later than 4:15. 9 hours a day at Shannon's, hopefully a minimum of 2 hours of naptime a day there, so 7 waking hours a day a Shannon's, times 5 days a week = 35 waking hours a week at her sitter's.

1/2 hour awake time every morning (more probably, but I'll be conservative) with us before we leave. 4 hours (4pm - 8pm) in the evening. 4.5 hours a day time 5 days a week = 22.5 hours on the weekdays ...

Awake on weekends aprox. 11 hours (13-14 hours a day, plus 2 hours of naptime, minimum). 2 days of this = 22 hours on weekends. 22 + 22.5 = 44.5.

Maddie is with us more hours than she's with her sitter. Victory, baby.

Plus we have Spring Break coming up. And SUMMER.
Ok, I feel better now.

I haven't worked in almost 5 months. It'll be 5 months next Tuesday. I can't think of a longer period of time that I haven't been working somewhere since I was 16. Of course I wasn't working for a while in college - well, I was working my butt off there, I was just paying instead, of being paid. Didn't work for 5 months. And really it's been the hardest 5 months of my life, and the best. Heck, it's definitely been the most exhausting 5 months on record. Well, onto a new balance in life, I guess. Going to be a working mamma, having it all, career and family.

Truthfully you can't come up with a better non-home-based career than teaching if you're going to be a mom. First of all, it's centered around children. They know kids, and they understand all the truly bonkers things they do - and understand why you might be late because there was gum in your car's ignition, and so on. Or that you had to change your shirt 4 times because baby spit-up just doesn't smell all that great after the sun hits it. But you also get decent hours - a tad early for my taste. I don't think we should start till 9:30. But that's my lazy butt for ya. And you have breaks, summer, etc. It's the good life.

It's not like I have a choice. Our mortgage payment says I have to go back to work. There's just other worries, too. See, you can feel simultaneously judged for having a job that gives you so much time to be with your kid (lazy teachers!) and judged for wanting to have that job and not stay home with your kid (selfish mother!). It's the good life.

Sorry, being meladramatic, but if you read this regularly you know I swing that way. I'm going to blame the hormones as long as I can, screw it. But oh, the worries: Will she be ok? Will she eat for Shannon? Will she take naps? Will Shannon's willful 3 year-old bounce toys off Maddie's soft spot like she was attempting to do yesterday? Only time will tell.

Will I be ok? After I drop her off, put up a good impression of holding it together until I drive away, cry probably most of the way through Lindenwold...yeah, I probably will be ok. It'll get easier every mile, and by the time I hit Marlton I'll probably have mentally dug out and dusted off my "Mrs. D." hat, and let the "Mommy" one have the day off for a change. I'm really looking forward to teaching again. I'm also looking forward to the units I've planned, the school events, my friends, and my students. Pathetic as it sounds, I'm looking forward to having somewhere definite to go every morning. That bugged me like crazy for the last few months. And I'm really looking forward to being around lots of people all day again. I celebrate my neediness. My kid will probably enjoy some one else's constant chatter for a change, come to think of it.

And to those of you who are thinking "Good LORD you're a mess! Why such a big deal about going back to work? You'll see the baby when you get home, geez!" (I do a pretty good impression, no?) I restate the words I scoffed at before I had a kid: You never understand until you have one of your own. I used to think that was crap. Now I think it's gospel. That sweet baby smell, that warm heavy softness on your arm, those feather-curls against your cheek as she rests her head on your shoulder... you think of that as you drive away, and unless you excercise a great deal of self-control, you'll rush back to whatever daycare arrangement you have and cancel it forever on the first day you finally go back to the working world. That baby is the most important thing you've ever done, every bit of your life, energy, and love gets poured into her every day. And you're handing her over to a well-meaning person who's basically a stranger. Self-control...

It's getting late, and *gasp!* tonight's a school night. Well, my bags are packed (I'm ready to go, I'm standin' here outside your door. I hate to wake you up to say goodbyeeeeee...). My rolling crate is full of pictures, pens, and the spinny desk organizer thing I got at Staples. Ready to go? Um, no, not really. But I think I'll be pretty good when I get there.

Wish me self-control.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The First Cereal

Not too successful, but way too much fun.

Sorry it's so dark, the digital camera takes really dark videos.

March 22nd - On Going Back to Work

While she's asleep and I actually have (almost) everything done I wanted to get done - the new shower curtain can hang itself, thankyouverymuch. Haha - I think I'll blog.

I go back to work next Wednesday. The 28th- 30th Sandy (my sub) is still there, and we're transiioning the kids from her to me. But it takes us a week to see all he kids, so the whole transitioning thing is pretty useless. But it gives me time to ease in. BE there, without acually doing a whole lot of WORK.

...and, well, they say that admitting it is the first step, soooooo:

I'm not that upset. Well, I'm going to miss my little peanut constantly. It's going to bug the Hell out of me that she'll spend the majority of her waking hours with someone else. And I'm going to be desperate for Maddie time when we get home every night. But when I'm honest with myself I don't even cringe when I remember that it's my last Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc. home with Maddie.

Reason #1: It's not really my last days, for Heaven's sake. I work 3 days, have a weekend, work 4 days, have Spring Break, work 3 days, have a weekend, and THEN, beginning April 16th, I actually have a full work week. Viva this time of year! And then I have 10 more weeks till summer. And there's a few half-days and a Memorial day in there too. So I have plenty more Mondays, Tuesdays, etc.

Reason #2: She takes naps. Lately, she takes 3 or more hours worth of naps a day. So there's 3 or more hours that I'm not really missing anything anyway. I know, that's stupid, but it helps. She's been going to bed earlier and earlier, but it hasn't mattered until now...yeah, Shannon is a professional mommy, she'll hopefully be able to get Maddie to sleep more during the day. So I get more Maddie time at night. Damn I'm selfish.

Reason #3: I miss work. I miss getting up and going somewhere in the morning where everybody knows me and I can always find someone to hang out with. And there's hundreds of kids who I like too. Oh, and I have actual friends who I actually sit and chat with and do stuff outside of work with (on very rare occassions, we all have kids under 4, it's tough.)

Reason # 4: I like my job. I like creating new lessons, I like getting on the floor and making a lot of music (noise?) with kids, I like the school environment, and I like hearing their little stories about their dog or the popsicle they ate for breakfast.

...Reason #5: I'm a bit pathetic, codependent, and needy, and I REEEEEEEEEAAAAAAALLLLY hate sitting around the house all day with no one to talk to. Yes, I talk to my baby. Constantly. She's 4 months old and she's already mastered the teenaged "shut UP, Mom!" eye roll. No, seriously, I talk, but I like to listen and be listened to. And since I've started talking back to episodes of "Scrubs", I think it's time to go back. Before I descend further into madness. Wha ha ha ha haaaaaa!

Yes, I feel tremendously guilty about wanting to go back to work. I'm supposed to be choked up and miserable. I am, too - when I think about Maddie not having me all day. I know her cries, I know how she likes to be held, I know how to deal with her nutsyness with eating. I'm the only one who knows how to be her mommy. But I also know that I just wouldn't be a happy person if I weren't also being a teacher. And a baby needs a happy mommy, period.

But oh, I've got worries: What if Shannon doesn't feed Her Extremely Tempramentalness and she freaks and won't eat? (reflux sucks.) And what if she doesn't get any attention? Actually, that's not likely to happen, they've wanted another baby for so long they're soooo thrilled to have a warm-up baby sister for their daughter before her real little sis arrives in July. What if Shannon finds she can't keep up with everything and, uh, dumps us? She is pregnant, I couldn't have done what she's about to do. What if Shannon's 3-year old sticks something up Maddie's nose out of curiosity, and...well, they live closer to our pediatrician than we do. But most of all:

What if she starts liking Shannon more than me?

Well, she's awake now. And we're going to the Mall for a little mommy-daughter shopping, and then meeting a friend (from school!) who's home with her new daughter, too! Enjoying our "last" Thursday.


Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Many Faces of Maddie

The Many Faces of Maddie

"must...concentrate..."




"Whachoo talkin' bout Willis?"



"I'm not as think as you drunk I am."

Posted by Picasa

March 20th - BIG Couple of Days

Well, we did it.
The Christening was beautiful. She was amazingly happy and smiley all day long. She put up with so much; a huge break in routine, long streches with no nap,weird feedings, 50 pople at her house all wanting to hold and cuddle her,and one long, white gorgeous dress - all day long. Here's a set of pics. I'll have to blog about it all some other time. It was awesome.

Maddie w/ proud Mommy & Daddy:

Maddie w/ Godparents; Uncle Nick & Aunt Cait
Grammy made her beautiful dress!
Cutest little Christenign bonnet that gets turned into a wedding hankie someday. :-)


She also had her 4-month appointment yesterday. 14 pounds, 24 inches long, healthy, strong, and READY FOR SOLIDS!!!

We tried cereal yesterday. Rice cereal, not Lucky Charms, Nick. She did eat some of it...we think.

Her 4-month shots really threw her for a loop though. She was inconsolable for hours last night, and then she slept like a log for 10 hours last night. And she's now well into hour 3 of her morning nap. Very fun for Mommy.

This is also my last week home with her before I go back to work. I'm looking forward to going bcak; I miss my job, my friends, my students, my creative outlet (beyond figuring out how to fit all those dishes in the dishwasher). It'll kill me to leave her somewhere for 8 hours a day. The babysitter is Bob's cousin Shannon, though, and she knows what she's doing. They're very excited to have Maddie there, and I think she'll be in very good hands. And it's only 3 months till summer. 3 months from Thursday, actually. Not that I'm counting.

So yeah, it's been a big couple of days. Christening, party, appointment, cereal, SLEEP.
Oh, and after our 2nd bottle of the day we're going to try cereal again, and then we're going to Target. Good stuff.
Posted by Picasa

Friday, March 16, 2007

March 16 - Ahhhh- FREAK OUT!

Christening in 2 days.

Lots of people, LOTS of money, LLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSS of work.

All so my absolutely wonderful child can be presented to the church and yadda yadda yadda she's already been to church 3 times and every old bitty in a 10-mile radious has already gotten a piece of her. We just have to dress her in a big white dress and put water on her head so she'll scream in front of everybody and everybody can smile and say "awww" and give her a picture frame that says "Jesus Loves Me".

Actually, I'll probably bawl. They have this song they sing while you walk the baby around the congregation so everybody can see her (while she screams...please, I have no false hope that she'll be all dimpled and smiling after the shower she's gonna get) and they put the baby's name in it and I'm going to lose it right about then, don't worry.

Anyway MUCH work to do. Clean house, get ready for house guests, (including pre-cleaning the bathroom because my mother has it in her head that I'm going to let her clean my bathroom. Ha ha.) And then there's the snowman collection that ate my kitchen table and the Easter decor needs to be put out and at some point we have to brave the icy elements and buy food to feed these 45 + people. Holy crap I don't even know where to start.

No wait, I do. I"ll start by going back in time and booking a hall and caterers. With waiters who wear little bowties.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

March 13th - lists

She's asleep, been asleep since 7:30 - an hour early, but we got her up an hour early.

Because I had to drive Bob to school.
Because I had have the car today .
Because I needed to go back to Bob's school with Maddie for her 'introduction' to his faculty during lunch, and our other car is in the shop.
Because the tail and brake lights weren't working, which we found out...
Because Bob got pulled over in Atco and ended up with 2 tickets (don't worry, he'll get out of the one and get the points taken away for the other, hopefully).
Because Nicole told us how.
Because she's all wordly and smart and we know very little about this stuff.
Because Bob's not exactly the type to get pulled over and know what to do in traffic court.

Sunday is her Christening. 40 + people coming to my house. And I'm feeding them. :-) I know, I'm screwed.

The whole "you just had a baby, you have an excuse to: not do anything, have a dirty house, order out instead of cooking", etc. That goes out the window by the time you have the Christening. Suddenly things are supposed to be clean and organized again. Doh!

Still have to:
Clean the house (such a big job I'm going to type it twice so it's represented appropriately).
Clean the house.
Oh, except for the bathrooms, because my mom has informed me that she's cleaning my bathrooms for the party, (because when I clean bathrooms I slop mud everywhere and dump the trash can on the floor and make garbage angels, right Mom?).
Finalize the food
Finalize who's bringing what (hopefully the people who said they'd bring something actually bring it!).
Buy all the food
(Saturday) Prepare all the food
Buy decorations - yes, they make Christening decorations, I just have to locate them.
Borrow tables & set them up
Set everything up.
Make sure the dress fits
Make sure we have the hat, shoes, white blanket, etc.

...and after the Christening is my last week home w/ Maddie.

I won't lie and say that I'm completely torn up about it. I'm scoping out things at her sitter tomorrow. Ok, her sitter is Bob's cousin Shannon. She's a super-mom. No, seriously. She has a 3 year-old girl and watches a 1 year-old boy. A few poeple (my mother - boy she's working her way in here a lot tonight) were concerned that Maddie won't get enough attention. Eh, it's better than a daycare. And a baby - a baby who's used to having her every demand met within seconds - would probably steal the attention away from the at least the preschooler. I'm hanging out at Shannons' tomorrow.

As for going back, I'm ready. I miss it. I'll miss HER, God knows. It kills me that she'll spend 9 hours a day with someone else. The majority of her waknig hours she'll spend with someone else. Damn it. But summer's coming soon enough. And the idea of going back is actually enticing. I want to start Boomwhacker Club and Handbells and Chorus and there's these wonderful spring lessons that I love teaching, these fun songs I always do. And James & I always do the dance unit after Spring Break. That's fun. (And I have an excuse to wear sneakers for a solid month.)

Well, I want to get some things done before Bob gets home from night conferences. He's working so hard on getting the yearbook done. He's going to be done this week - halleluja! I'm beat. And I'm on baby duty tonight. And since she slept straight through without one paci-pop last night (because it was Bob's night, we alternate now) she'll probably be up several times tonight. Tomorrow morning, that is.

Night.

Eat it! Just Eat it!

Thursday, March 08, 2007

March 8th - Guessing game.

Thursday's a pretty good... Oops, the kid just woke up...wait, maybe not.
Babies don't just cry to let you know they're awake.
OH no.

They mess with ya.
They'll make sleepy little noises at first, little grunts or wimpers, to let you know that while they're not completely comatose anymore, they may still stay asleep another 15 minutes, maybe more. Or they might even fall back into that glorious state of ZONK where you could pick them up, change their diaper, and perform a Punch & Judy show with their arms - and you wouldn't wake them.

OR they could just be laying there, awake, waiting for you, and have passed gas or something. Hence the grunting.

But see, you never know. You never know if that little noise you just heard over the Fisher Price Light & Sound monitor was the beginning of an outbreak of wailing that can only be stemmed by a 5 oz. bottle of "nummies", or your little angel being an angel, asleep and dreaming.


****

Half a bottle, 2 diaper changes,much spit-up, and a cuddle session later:

It was the wailing fit one.

Monday, March 05, 2007

March 5th - BIRTHDAY GIRL!

Happy Birthday to me!!!!

3/5/06: My 25th birthday. Cake by Bobby. 25 years old and very newly preggers.


3/4/07: Cake by Bob's Mom (dark chocolate...mmm). Technically still 25 years old (for a few more hours) and un-pregnant. End result on my lap. Cutie pie!
Posted by Picasa

Sunday, March 04, 2007

March 4th - On Turning 26.

My God I'm going to be 26 years old tomorrow. Damn I'm old.

Actually I don't feel that old. I mean, I'm acting old - I act like a 36 year-old probably. I have a husband, a house, a career, a baby, I don't go out, I don't party, I don't drink, and I don't particularly feel the need to socialize much. A get-together w/ mom or work friends here and there. Mostly I'd rather stay home w/ Bob & the kiddo than 'go out with the girls' and act like a girl in her 20's.

Heh. I used to thrill at being mistaken for an older girl. I look older than 26. But we're getting into dangerous territory here, mid-twenties...I'll have to start tipping the hairdresser less when she says "boy, you look older than ___" instead of taking it as a compliment. I really need a haircut, come to think of it.

SO it's been a month since I've bloggied. Well, my days aren't exactly blog-friendly. I have a feeling I"ll be doing it a lot more in a few weeks when I go back to work. Desk time in adundance.

I go back in 3 weeks. March 28th is my first day back. March 26th and 27th I'm hoping to take Maddie over to Shannon's (Bob's cousin, who'll be watching Maddie from when I go back till the end of the year). So yeah, I have 3 weeks. I went from "get me outa here" to "already?"

Anyway, to get ready for my return from work I'm staying home a little more, just playing w/ Maddie a little more, and letting housework go - I figure I won't be doing it during the day when I'm back to work, let's see what life is going to be like in a few weeks, so we can get used to things. Screw the dishwasher (unless I'm out of bottles). F the laundry. Let's see what the life of a working mommy is like. (Probably sucks a bit, housework-wise.) And thank God that summer's really not that far away. :-) Every day a weekend.

And tomorrow's my "big day". Officially on the other side of 25 and inching towards 30. Holy. Crap.

And Happy Birthday to Me. Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday dear Mee-eeeeeee....